i woke up and realized that i forgive (you), and it made my chest tighten up because i realized that means that i love you even more now. because i never really forgave (you) for anything, never thought i would be able to forgive (you) for the end.
but now i do, i forgive (you). for everything. for the first time in my life.
which unfortunately means that i now love (you) completely unconditionally, on a whole other cosmic level. which is worrisome because i haven't even seen (you) since the end. so what if i just keep loving you more and more and more as i smarten up and continue having growth spurts of something resembling emotional maturity? as i turn into a big girl.
but i grew up and forgave things/(you) way way way too late in the game. (and yes, some thigns were pretty "unforgivable", but fuck it. acceptance may as well be all or nothing.) figures it would happen after everything collapsed. i guess that's why you shouldn't meet your twin heart when you're an 18 year old girl. you never get to love someone in an adult manner, or have a non-jerry springer-esque relationship with them because you're, well, not an adult.
and i forgive the drugs and anger and pent up hurts that warped us and ruined everything. because it's too late. and now all i can do is wait to see you knock over your chair in excitement the first time you meet me, in our next lifetime.
it's not goodbye, it's i'll be seeing you.
No comments:
Post a Comment